Mother's Day | Pad Patter 5.10.18

We are taking my mother & my MIL to Tulip Time Saturday. It's a couple hours from here so hopefully the weather (and children) will cooperate! You know that the only reason I'm going is to take cute pictures of my kids in front of tulips for all the spring scrap kits!

Sunday my dad is taking all of us -- my grandmother, my aunt, my mom, my sister, my nephew, my husband, my kids, and me -- to lunch after church. His last couple years' choices in restaurants have not been my favorite so hopefully this one is better! It's hard to have such a large group and keep my youngest entertained while we wait for our food to come, too.

I don't cook on Mothers' Day so we'll have to have pizza or fast food that evening for dinner. I don't know if I will get presents or not or what will happen after we get home from lunch. DH is busy with work and then we have plans Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday morning so... *shrug*

 

Isn't it funny how happy things like that can make you as an adult? My husband and kids want a list to shop from for mother's day, but all I really want is someone to finally hang the dang curtain rods in the living room!

My mother's day is packed. We'll go to church in the morning. It's also Senior Send-off day so my son will have his senior solo for the youth choir in two services that morning. After that, we rush home and walk up to Wrigley Field for a Cubs game. I'm sorting out how I feel about that as it's much more rushed and busy than I would like, but on the plus side, we'll all be together.

 

no plans.. I am not a Mom and my Mom is gone, so I will just be remembering Happy Mother's Day to all the Lily Pad Mommas!!!

 

I think I'll take the kids to Costco on mother's day. Yup, that's my jet-setting life. Don't hate.

My parents are visiting but leave Saturday afternoon so I'm sure we'll do something small with them for mother's day. The kids want to get ice cream and so does my mom lol. I was just at the store and picked up a cute mother's day card for her, actually, so at least she'll get that in person this year.

Speaking of cards: when did their prices jump? The card I bought was $8!

 

I hope this isn't too much of a downer but I want to share with my beloved TLP friends. First I want to say, Mothers Day (and Valentines Day and even my birthday) have never been a big deal. My husband and I are not big on holidays, but big on being caring every day of the year. So when my daughter attempted suicide last Mothers Day, the fact that it was Mothers Day didn't even occur to me for hours. Nor did my daughter know what day it was.

So I've been looking at this Mothers Day as a sort of milestone, but not talking about it at all (until this post), like I'm afraid to jinx it. (My heart is beating faster writing this, and I hesitated.) It's kind of silly, but I feel like passing this weekend will somehow be a sign of great progress. Even though the real signs are actually scattered over the last ten months. It was her third attempt since 2016 and after her two months in hospital (6 weeks in a medical hospital, then 2 weeks in a mental hospital) last June she began working with new therapists, in home. They came every day for a couple of weeks, then two-three times a week in the following months, until it was just down to once a month in late winter and that therapy ended at the end of March. We're now in the process of finding a good therapist within our health insurance (the in home thing was supposed to be a temporary social services support thing and she got it longer than average).

She is doing very well now, but still has the negative self image that she has had since the depression flared at the end of 2015. She's about to perform in another choir concert next weekend, and she'll be Ms Hannigan in Annie with her homeschool drama club the weekend after that. Next Tuesday is her homeschool prom. And she has just begun directing a theater production of her own, based off a script she wrote in 2014 and has revised a few times since then. She hasn't even filled all the roles yet, but doesn't seem discouraged yet; we have time, because the performance dates we booked at the library aren't until Aug 30 and Sep 1. She has made some very close friends over the last year and they get together at least once every week. She's turning 17 on the 24th and is looking forward to having an actual birthday celebration for the first time in a couple of years.

As for this Sunday, I don't know much about it yet. I always scrap on Sundays, so I'll do that at least.

Something more light-hearted to end with: Yesterday I was at a Firestone car shop getting new tires on my van. A woman in the waiting room who was finished before me, as she started to walked out, turned back and exclaimed "Happy Mother's Day." There were just me, one other woman, and a man sitting there. None of us had been talking previously, so it was a sudden, wonderful surprise.

p.s. Usually I re-read and edit everything I write, but I don't have time for that now, so you're getting my rough draft.

 

Big hugs Michele. I can't even fathom what that does to you as a parent. I am glad she is doing better and that she is doing things like writing a script and all. Continued success for your daughter and your family. I ope you find the perfect therapist. [re Holidays, we don't celebrate valentine's day either as we love each other 365/24/7 .. we do celebrate our anniversary and we do go out to eat for our Birthdays and exchange a card but as far as presents, don't do any of that as we get what we want through out the year.] Hugs my dear.

In stores if someone says HMD I just say thank you

 

I'm back and have read all the posts now! Before, I was hurrying to write before seeing my husband off to work.

Happy Mothers Day to everyone who has ever nurtured anyone else!

My mom is 3000 miles away, on the opposite coast from me. I'm just happy I saw her in person in January, for the first time in 5 years! And she got on her computer to text message with me just a couple of days ago, something we used to do almost daily, but she doesn't seem to want to do much anymore in the last couple of years. Maybe I'll call. Neither of us really like talking on the phone, but maybe that will change. As for my husband's mom, she "disowned" us 9 years ago (to make the story short and not tell another downer). So Mothers Day has always generally been much like other weekends, with a little extra leisure for me.

I totally hear you on the practical things being great gifts! Alone time was what I generally ask for most. When my kids were young and more demanding, I felt bad saying that, but my husband understood and sometimes would take them on an outing and I'd revel in the rarity of being home alone in a quiet house. Usually I'd scrap. Nowadays my kids are more independent and I manage to get enough alone time, but I love practical gifts. Like when my friend brings extra eggs she gets from a neighbor. She was unsure whether I'd want them, but we eat a lot of eggs in my house, so I'm very grateful!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

 

just an ordinary day around here, my mum works on a Sunday and I’m not entirely sure when my grandma is back from her small train trip

 

Thank you Christa! It definitely dented my optimistic outlook on life. But it did not permanently damage it; I'm just more cautious about expressing it. It also amazed me to learn how many people battle depression or mental illness. It's incredible. But I had no idea before my daughter. Even my own brother, but he didn't tell me until after Rhiannon's first suicide attempt. Another change has been in my parenting. Not that I ever was pushy, but I'm even more easygoing than ever. The shorthand phrase she used to say, to explain her depression, is fear that she'd be "living in my parents' basement forever." We had never given her a time-limit for how long she can live with us, but she kind of does herself. So I've tried to make it clear that it's ok to keep relying on parents' for support well beyond age 18, and I'm trying to balance how much I help her make steps toward independence. Not do everything for her, but not throw her into the pool to sink or swim either.

My husband and I are similar about holidays as you and yours. Long ago, like within the first year or two we were together (we met in '94, married in '96) we agreed that we'd rather get things for ourselves that we'll really use rather than give gifts just because the date on the calendar has a special name. He gave me flowers once or twice when we were dating and about 2 or 3 times in the 24 years since. He knows I love flowers better when they're alive and growing wild.

 

Re children living with their parents longer than 18 is more normal these days... I actually have to laugh and maybe make you smile here... My Dad got transferred with work to FL from Long Island, NY in Oct 1986. I was still living at home at the age of 25 (giving them money every month that they actually were putting away in case I was to get married) anyway, Mom didn't want to sell the house right away in case she didn't like living in FL she could move back.. anyway, it was a standing joke as I lived in the house for the year until they sold it, and I always said I must be the only one whose parents moved out on their child! LOL... I moved down with them in November 1987 when they sold the house and then ended up moving back to Long Island in 1988 and stayed there until I got married in 1992 in an apartment... but yeah I was still living at home until 27 .. so as long as every one is okay with it, not a big deal and not something to be put down.. actually it is a great way for her to save up for stuff that way too

Re flowers.. ditto.. the valentines day of the year we got married my DH sent me a dozen roses and I asked him never to do that again.. I loved them, but they were just too expensive. He now grows me flowers in the garden and will bring me in a beautiful rose he grew for me and that means more to me than any bought flower. When we were in Williamsburg 2 weeks ago, a vendor in Market Square was selling daffodils, 20 for $3 so he bought me a bundle and I was holding and sniffing them the entire hour ride home They lasted from Saturday to Thursday before wilting, but I really loved them. It was real sweet to be walking the street there and have him buy me a bunch. $3 I can be okay with for 20 flowers

Hugs to you!

 

It's always mind blowing how much plumbing repairs cost!! But I'd definitely take working plumbing over any other gift!!

I'll follow my regular routine; wake up at the crack of dawn and have coffee LOL!! My oldest and her BF are coming over Saturday, but we usually just stay here and hangout.

 

@michelepixels I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, but it sounds like she's doing better now. That's a lot of therapy. But at least, she's still with you. Hugs to all of you.

@cfile I had to laugh at your post, our 40 year old dd and 6 year old grandson have moved back home. It looks like it's going to be awhile, too. This is the second time they've moved back home. We take it in stride.

Okay, for Mothers' Day, we had planned to go over to Sanibel Island and hang out, then go out to eat. The weekend forecast is for rain, rain, rain, so we're going to have to come up with a plan B. It's not a big deal here, either.

 

That is funny Christa! I also lived with my parents until I moved out (at the age of 23) to live my now-husband. I didn't even live in dorms when I was in college, so I have never lived alone! And yes, I've read some articles about how nowadays it's more and more common for young adults to stay with their parents longer. Hey! Further back in history it was common for there to be 3 generations of family in a house. The nuclear family is kind of a new idea of 1950's. Even one of my friends from high school still lives with her parents. Like you say, as long as everyone gets along, it's very reasonable and economical. We even have a large enough house to accommodate it. Of course, all this doesn't totally reassure my daughter, because she wants to be independent and she's aiming for a career in a creative field (singing) which is really hard. But I think she's coming around to realize that it will be ok.

@Cherylndesigns Your message posted while I was typing. Thank you

 

Mothering Sunday is in March, here in the UK. We normally have a special church service and the children get me flowers. Sometimes they hand out flowers to all the ladies in church, depending on what that day's leader decides to do. We have a take away instead of cooking, or if the weather is good go on an outing. I make cards for my mum and m-i-l. Sometimes the kids make me nice things, but not all the time.

 

A few years ago, on Valentine's Day, I didn't get anything, but also didn't give DH anything. I was a bit bummed out, but then about a month later, I received a purple leather purse I'd been gushing over. He handed me the box and wished me Happy March 21st (or whatever the date was). It was his way of telling me that it doesn't have to be a "Hallmark" greeting card day to be celebrated. So I guess while we do celebrate some typical holidays, I do get surprises too.

But for Mother's Day, my mom passed away back in 2000, and like Christa, we have no kids. My MIL turned 91st yesterday (May 9), so the family is getting together on Mother's Day to celebrate her birthday.

 

I have to spend all day Saturday at my best friend's mom's funeral. So sad for her But her mom was 92 and had a full beautiful life. She was facing a new cancer diagnosis, so at least she doesn't have to battle that at her age. We don't have baseball this weekend, they give us the weekend off for Mother's Day . So, I'm hoping for just some down time on Sunday. All I ever want to do for Mother's Day is go shopping for flowers for my deck and flower beds!! I'm sure my older kids will pop in and I will see my mom at some point, but no special plans.

 

in France, in 2018, the Mother's days will be the 27th of May. Often children prepare at school small gifts that they make themselves to offer their mom: small necklace with pasta, small cards .....

@michelepixels , I think you're right, it must have remained very positive .. I wish you both a lot of happiness and her to succeed in all her projects

 

@michelepixels Happy Day to you! I'd share some of my lilies of the valley with you if I could! I have a daughter (43) who has attempted suicide a few times (and really it was just attempts) plus she still threatens it - like two weeks ago. I just accept it as who she is and know she has a god who looks after her on her path. It's not always easy but ...I don't get sucked into her drama after 30 years of it.

Right now I have two young women I mentor ...one whose mother threatened suicide last week and the other whose mother hung herself when she was 19. Because my own mother and mother in law died years ago, we never think about the holiday and I'm like those who don't do much for holidays in our house. However, it hit me how much Mother's Day might affect these two young women. Good reminder for me.

 

I will be at the cemetery cleaning up the gravesite for my parents. Been doing it for my mother since 1997. I will also be at the gravesite on the 20th as that would have been her 86th birthday. Then I will also go out again on Memorial Day weekend to remember both of them... something I added last year as it was the first Memorial Day after my father passed away. On Memorial Day I also visit the graves of both sets of grandparents as well since all of them are in the same cemetery. The advantage of living in the same small town as the cemetery... I can go often.

As for me, I have no children so like others above, the day has no real meaning for me. Because my fur kid (past and present) have never bought me presents!