I'm not big on self help books, but I'm at the end of my rope. Does anyone have any quick reading SHB recommendations on how to deal with a difficult parent; especially when they're mad at their spouse who has passed away... My mom was an angry difficult person to deal with before my dad passed away, but a whole new level has been reached (imagine a grown women acting like a threenager over text...yeah it happened tonight) and I if I don't find some coping skills I'm gonna lose my you know what.
Oh my dear, I'm so sorry. Parental relationships are often difficult to navigate in the best of circumstances, and it sounds like you are in a bad situation. I'm gonna keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I generally use scripture to guide me (I love The Message version for easy readability), so I personally don't have suggestions BUT my sister has her masters in counseling and I'll send her a message to see if she has any suggestions. ((HUGS))
@gonewiththewind We've always had a pretty rocky relationship and I'm trying my hardest to just let everything that is going on now go...but it can be so difficult at times!! I understand her anger...I really do, but to resent my dad for not getting things done around the house before he passed away is just crazy town!! I cringe every time my phone makes a noise because I know 95% of the time she's messaging me to complain about someone or something...that cannot be controlled or changed. When my dad first passed away I would spend Friday to Sunday at her house because my MIL was living with us and hubby doesn't work Sat or Sun, that went on for months. Then it became going either on Sat or Sun for months...and at some point both hubby and I became so drained it's down to once a month. I feel guilty for not going at least every other weekend, but I have to keep my emotional health in check too. I can't really tell her to grow up; shut up; why do care etc but I have a horrible feeling it's something is going to sneak out before I realize what I'm saying...
i can't really offer anything except virtual hugs either, i hope cheryl's friend has some suggestions - otherwise, scrap therapy and just dump your feelings on the page!
Oh boy this is a hard one! Especially when it is the connection of a mother. Hope Cheryl's sister has some wise words of advice. The woman's bible study group I'm part of reads books with workbooks and dvd for 'class time' there are some great books/studies to help with our relationships.
I have this book from a past study with a chapter on The Cranky and Cantankerous-how to love the Hard to love If interested pm your address and its yours!
Thank you!! I did a for my eyes only page where I just spilled by guts out...and then I felt so guilty!!! I didn't even save the page. I will have to see if one of the libraries here has this book...that chapter sounds EXACTLY like what I need!! Thank you!!!
My sister recommended these, but I've sent another message back to her and I think she's going to give another couple of recommendations. I'll let you know @bbymks5 ! https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728 https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043
@gonewiththewind Thank you!!! Please tell your sister Thank You for me!!! I just borrowed the electronic version of The Dance of Anger from the library and placed a request to move the first title from another branch to our local one!
I don't have any suggestions, but sending virtual hugs. Grief is such a varied and tricky road to walk. Maybe she would benefit from some grief counseling or a group to help her through this?
Thank you! She refuses to go...hospice sent her information for their group sessions, but after we received the detailed invoice for my dad and found out that he had not been given any kind of pain relief at point during the less than 24 hours he was there she was scathing mad at them, it just wouldn't have been pretty had she gone; but she won't even consider going to private 1:1 sessions with a counselor or another group option. I'm an only child and she doesn't have any other living family, so it all falls on myself and my husband...I sent him there last weekend by himself to help her with the garage door opener (somehow she put the wall unit in the garage into lock mode) because I just didn't have it in me.
I read The Dance of Anger years ago and remember it as being very good and helpful. I'm also thinking that you may be able to go to the grief counseling yourself. Your mother may not be willing to go but I imagine the counseling will help you set a good boundary with your mother now. It's never too late to have a changed relationship with a difficult person because you can change your responses etc. even if they don't. Hugs and hope to you @bbymks5
I am not much help, I can't read a SHB to save my life. I find them full of BS. I am sorry you are dealing w/ this. I can tell you it's hard, but you already know that. If you find something that helps you let me know.
I definitely think I should start going again; just need to find a different counselor that I can feel comfortable with. I was seeing one who I really liked years ago, but we moved and her office is just too far. I guess I could call to see if she could recommend someone, but I always feel weird asking that. My new response is silence which I know isn't the right thing to do. This is EXACTLY how I feel about them, but I have reached a level of Hulk anger and need new ways of dealing her. I found in the wee hours of the morning a discovery garden that is opening this weekend in Prescott, AZ that I thought the girls would like to check out...while snooping on their website I saw they offer a summer camp (it's not a sleep over kind of summer camp, just an all day thing for a week), even for little little ones like my youngest. I was telling my mom about it, told her I was shocked that the prices were actually reasonable. She snaps back with "So what, you plan on going driving up to Prescott everyday?" This was her being passive aggressive in saying how nice you'd drive two hours up and two hours back home everyday when you don't come every weekend anymore.
That sucks, my mom has a passive aggressive Masters with a minor in manipulation, so I totally get it!
I am sending you a virtual hug too because I can't think of anything else. But this I know for a fact ; it is so much easier to be angry than it is to be sad. Anger gives an outlet for the grief we can't quite face yet. Be patient...