How do you incorporate hard, sad moments in your project?

Discussion in 'Project Life/365/52' started by gracielou, Mar 28, 2017.

  1. gracielou

    gracielou Well-Known Member

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    My mother-in-law has battled cancer the last couple years and earlier this month we lost her to this battle. She has been a HUGE and important part of our lives so it's only natural to feel like I should include the hard week of her passing in my project but at the same time I don't want our family to feel constant sadness at this event every time they flip through our 2017 book. Have any of you tackled this through your projects yet, the passing of a loved one. If so, how did you deal with it in your project?
     
  2. AnneofAlamo

    AnneofAlamo Slippers IN sunshine? Even better!

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    Perhaps a memory page about her for that week? Almost a tribute to her versus the pain of the week? Does that make sense?
    When my FIL passed, we drove to Cali for the funeral. I showed those travel photos and such,(on a separate page) but did a page of my FIL . I had a photo we all loved of him as the big photo, and then a photo of all the kids (big Italian family) after the funeral. I included the obituary on the page too. We had a big dinner at a local restaurant and I took casual photos and popped those in, with labels as who was who. Now, we can look at the page and remember Uncles and Aunts with a good memory.
    Hugs to you for your loss, and you pour your heart into the page and it will be perfect!
     
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  3. QuiltyMom

    QuiltyMom I'll never run out of things to do!

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    When my dad died I made a memorial page for him, then scrapped about his memorial service. Since I scrap chronologically, since added pages every time we visit his graveside.

    I also am continually journaling about him through how he would've loved something, how he would've responded. It's all part of keeping his memory alive.

    I'm a firm believer of adding these life events into our everyday lives, because it is a part of our every day. Hugs and prayers to you and your family!
     
  4. AliSarah

    AliSarah Oh great. Now I have pixie dust in my hair!

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    I totally think it's amazing to include these moments! I haven't done a lot of memorial pages as of yet. But, you could ask everyone for their favorite memories of her and put them on a page with a beautiful photo of her. I do have a lot of pages that say things like "Someday, we'll be together again..." Or, "Until we meet again..." "It's not good-bye, it's see you later..." and stuff like that. I use a lot of older photos of myself with my mom or my grams and write about how much I miss them and wish they were here, or talk directly to them about something that happened that I'm sad they weren't here for... Come to think of it, maybe I do have memorial pages, I just didn't realize that was what I was doing.

    I will say, as an adult looking back on my life, there have been a lot of things I haven't remembered as well as I wished I would have, and things that went a certain way that I can't quite pinpoint what that way was. So, while I know it is sad to create a page with the timeline of what happened, or who was there and when, it is something I would cherish very much as time went by. The photos and pages will make everyone a little sad at first, but as time goes on, you'll all be happy for the documentation of events to share with future generations or even folks who were there but were feeling so much that it became a blur as time passed...

    Huggles!!
    ~Sarah~
     
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  5. IntenseMagic

    IntenseMagic Some grannies cuss a lot. I'm some grannies.

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    I have tackled my dad and my mother-in-law. It's difficult doing it and it is sad looking back on it. But it is part of what we've been through and I wanted to have pages that celebrated their lives and all who were close to them. It gets a bit easier to look back on as the years go by and I cherish the parts of their lives that brought us all together. Many of the people who were there to celebrate their lives are also gone now, so it is nice to have that documentation of them as well. I included bits and pieces of how they touched the lives of others and how each of us was feeling. Hugs to you and your family.
     
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  6. Scrapping with Liz

    Scrapping with Liz Crafts for days.

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    I think you've got some great advice here.

    I still haven't been able to scrap the week when my sister lost her baby. There lay two blank pages in my 2015 album. I have pictures and notes set aside, but I haven't put it together yet. I know I need to.....
     
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  7. Karen

    Karen Wiggle it, just a little bit!

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    Thank you for posting this question. We lost my FIL in April last year and I knew I wanted to do something in my scrapbook about it, but I avoided it forever because it was so sad to think about and too hard at that time. I finally did one page, but I couldn't even journal on it, and for me that's saying something. I usually write novels on each page. Here is the page I did:

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    After reading this and looking at my page though, I am going to do another page with a picture of my FIL and I really want to capture the amazing life story that was listed in his obituary.

    Finally I'm sending you huge hugs and prayers for comfort and peace at the loss of your MIL Amanda @gracielou
     
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  8. gracielou

    gracielou Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your thoughts on this.
     
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  9. NancyP

    NancyP All you need is a little bit of pixie dust

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    YES! To everything said! Every part of our lives, good, bad, happy, sad, must be recorded for future generations and so memories won't fade. It took me a long time to scrap the loss of my newborn baby granddaughter and I had to keep stopping until I stopped crying, but I am glad I scrapped her. Now she will live on with all the rest of the family and will not just become a faded memory. Treasure those wonderful memories of your mother in law with beautiful layouts.
     
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  10. RebeccaH

    RebeccaH Life is exciting, yes it is!

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    I agree that a tribute page could be a great way to go!
    I also agree that the tough parts of life are also part of life and should be included in our stories.
    I think everyone handles it differently, really. We lost my step-mother a few years ago - it was really difficult and we were all so sad. I included a page with some journaling about how I was feeling at the time, and then pages of the funeral. I think, whatever way you go about it, it's an important part of your story. And although you will always always miss her, I also believe the day can come when you aren't feeling such deep grief each time you look back at the page.
    Hugs to you, sweet lady. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
     
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  11. RebeccaH

    RebeccaH Life is exciting, yes it is!

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    Here's one of the pages I did - there were 3 or so in all, included here and there in our album... I didn't feel like the whole story of all of our feelings and emotions and the funeral, and her life, all had to fit on one page.

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  12. gracielou

    gracielou Well-Known Member

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    I made a page the week after it happened because things were so fresh in my mind then and there were lots of things that went on the week of her passing. I forgot to close out my page when I took a break and I later walked in to my husband sitting there at the computer crying. I felt so bad because I know it hurts for all of us but especially for him. He had such an amazing mom. I guess that's where all this is coming from. I see how much pain it causes him right now and I know, from experience, that with time things do get a little easier but for now I don't want to cause anyone to break down when going through our 2017 book so I am just pulled on the decision to include that week or not to include it. I scrapbook chronologically and plan on doing photo books from now on so it's not something I could come back and add in later.

    These are all great thoughts and pages you have shared. It's just so fresh and hard right now.
     
  13. Dalis

    Dalis Jose Cuervo is NOT a good friend

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    Amanda, I just wanted to send you a cyber hug! I think everyone have given such caring and loving advice in here. Which ever way you decide to scrap it with I know it will be the perfect way for your family. I know you will scrap it because it is in your heart and it needs to come out. Please know that right now it feels extra hard but in years to come it may not bring the hardish to your mind but maybe the quirks he had and it will bring a smile to your face. When I remember my husband's great-uncle I remember him sneaking little tarts in the house to be eaten by my husband, me and him. He was a great mind and unfortunately he had a tough time at the end but all I remember of him is what an amazing man he was and how grateful I am to have met him for the little time I did. He was my only experience as a grandfather figure and I will treasure him forever!
     
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  14. bestcee

    bestcee In love with places I've never been to

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    These are the PL pages I made last year when Grandma died. She was a pretty big part of our lives at that time. She died on Week 7, on the right page, and then the funeral was during Week 8.
    I was honest. I started by talking about it being a hard week. I talked about Nick's job and the time off he needed, our back and forth about taking Matthew. To look back on these pages now, I have that "happy-sad" feeling. I see the photos from her memorial, and I smile. I remember the lovely stories told at her funeral. I'm sad she is gone, but seeing her in those pages brings back happy memories.
    This isn't her whole part in our story. I have other pages about her banana bread, and first baths, and moments in our lives. I'll have another layout about the funeral, and the viewing. I just inherited her Bosch mixer, so I'll make a page about that. But for PL, I wanted the moment marked. It was a huge part of our lives, and she was a large part of those daily little moments prior to her death.
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  15. Tree City

    Tree City Get a stepladder, I'm busy

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    @gracielou First off, I'm sorry for your loss. I haven't yet lost a parent or a parent-in-law, so I don't have that experience yet. But I do wonder, since you're worried about upsetting others as they look through your 2017 book, if perhaps you couldn't mark that week in some way (Post-It note, bookmark, etc)? And instead of saying "Don't look there" so it seems foreboding, you could let your husband and others know something like "That beautiful bookmark? It reminded me of my mother-in-law, so I used it to specially mark the pages in our 2017 book about her." That way, people can look if they'd like to read a memorial, or they can easily go right past that week.
    Because I do think you, and others including your husband (hopefully, eventually), will want to have those memories included in the book, even if right now is too fresh to see them. And, when people are ready to view the pages, they'll be wonderful ways to open up a conversation about her with younger generation, which didn't have as much time with her.
     
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  16. Danyale

    Danyale Always one step behind Waldo

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    So sorry for loss, hun. Big ((hugs)). These moments sometimes perplex me too. I try to document some things that happen that wouldn't have otherwise. For instance, each day in hospice, we had a sort of them. Monday, game shows and popcorn. Tuesday, we told some favorite stories of our childhood. Etc. It was mostly journaling as I was not as comfortable taking her photo unless she asked, but we did take some of those around her. Later I added a note to each person amd what they will remember most about her.
    Maybe some of that will inspire and idea for you ♡
     
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  17. LeeAndra

    LeeAndra A total Betty.

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    I think you will regret it more if you choose not to scrap it all (especially since you scrap chronologically & won't be able to go back and add it later) vs. regret scrapping it and making people cry.

    I have not had to scrap the loss of someone I was close to in PL yet so I don't have any sample pages to show.

    I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*
     
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  18. gracielou

    gracielou Well-Known Member

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    @Tree City This is awesome. Thank you so much. I think I will take this route and go ahead and do the week of her loss in my book. I am taking a new approach for project life this year where I do a pocket page of the week on the left side then I chose 1 special moment from the week to make a scrapbook page on the right side. I will do my project page about the weekly events and then incorporate a lovely memory page of her for my scrap page that week. I have a lovely bookmark that I will use to mark this week in my book so for now we can pass over it if needed but hopefully in the future we will all be able to look back on it with not as much sadness as now and just reflect on how much we love her.

    Thanks again everyone for your suggestions. Great ideas and hope it will help others that are faced with this situation in their books.
     
  19. Tree City

    Tree City Get a stepladder, I'm busy

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    @gracielou I'm glad that resonated with you. And I'm sure you will create a beautiful memory page for her.
     
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  20. Karen

    Karen Wiggle it, just a little bit!

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    This thread totally inspired me to scrap more about my FIL today. I did one page with his amazing life story that was in his obituary and then just some pictures of him with our family on the facing page. I will say that this is definitely easier for me to scrap about a year later than it was right after. When I looked at pictures of him right after he passed, all I felt was sadness, now I am still sad, but I'm also able to look at the pictures of him before he got sick and remember all the great times and how wonderful he was. I pray that it will be easier for you too with the passing of time.

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