Talk to me about "success"

I have always been a very motivated, over-achiever, type-A personality. Thankfully, so is my husband!
I have a Bachelor of Science in Dental Hygiene degree. Right out of college, we got married & the hubby went onto get his MBA- so during that time, I worked 4 days (sometimes even 5 days a week- which is UNHEARD of in the dental industry!) Those first few years in our marriage I made A TON of money & way more than my hubby- who seriously didn't like that fact! In the dental industry, hygienists make an awesome wage- but there's not a lot of 'growth.' You start high, but the highest raise I've EVER gotten was $.50 an hour. Additionally- it's a tough job on your body- I've been doing it for 14 years & am thankful I'm not full time anymore! Our goal then- was for him to get his master's degree and a job with a large salary- then once we had a family, I would cut back to part time. I can honestly say that I have the PERFECT job. I work 2 days a week & make a decent wage but still feel like a SAHM with plenty of time to volunteer at their school & activities. It is the best balance between work/family & I call that a success every day of the week!

 

I've never had a killer career drive, but have always been recognized as the hardest worker at every job I've had. I've started and run four successful companies in my life, was a published author at the age of 14, met two former Presidents, two former Vice-Presidents and even got to shake their hands. I've lived all over the country, traveled abroad, blah blah blah. Now I work part-time from home just trying to kill the boredom of injury and recuperation. It's an impressive resume, but is that success? I never thought so. It's just stuff I've done.

If the current President called me right now, I'd probably fly off the handle and be put on some "list." LOL Politics aside, I've never desired such a high ranking position because success to me is being happy with as little as possible - including titles, money, possessions, and definitely attention and spotlight. To some, such a position would be a sign of success, but at what cost? Just achieving the goal to achieve the goal is too hollow a pursuit for me. I don't need the title to validate who I am.

I've had plenty of people look down on me and tell me I'm wasting my skills, my knowledge, etc. I generally look at people who say those things to me as people wanting validation for themselves, their own choices and sacrifices and that's sad to me - that at 45 a person can't be comfortable in their own life. Compared to feeling like they do, yes, I've been successful, even now. At home. In sweatpants.

 

When I was young I was going to pursue a career in psychology but life had other plans for me. I had two children and worked part time for many years before going back to school. I became an MOA and had my own transcription biz along with working for a hospital. At this stage in the game, I say nooooooooooo to any big responsibility job. I am self employed, working half to full hours five days a week and that's enough for me. In fact, I want to collect an early pension in a few years and decrease my hours a bit more. So I'm at the point where I'll start to adjust to making less money but working less hours, having more leisure time.

 

I don't ever recall a time that I had a killer career drive, but I do consider myself successful. Although I have a Bachelor of Music (in Music Theory with voice as my instrument), I've been in the legal field ever since I graduated. I started out as a legal secretary and then my bosses sent me to paralegal school. It was a small firm, and they knew I would leave pretty much after I got my certificate. I've been a litigation paralegal and have worked on both sides of the bar but mainly on the defense and mainly third-party insurance defense. (I also worked on some of that tobacco litigation here in Texas.) That's where an insured individual or company gets sued, and their insurance company pays for their defense.

Personal injury, specifically medical malpractice, is my favorite, and I thought it was great when I got a job at the most prestigious personal injury law firm in San Antonio. Here in Texas, paralegals can be Board Certified, and I was Board Certified in Personal Injury for about 5 years. I had to drop the certification when I moved to a different city and to a firm that didn't really do personal injury. I had thought about going to law school, but the stress of being a paralegal is enough for me. I don't need legal malpractice hanging over my head all the time. I say I've been successful because until recently, I've always been able to get a job pretty much at the drop of a hat. (Nowadays that doesn't happen because I don't have certain trial software experience.) I'm very good at my job, and I've been told that by all my supervisors, except my present one; I won't go into that now. I don't have a killer career drive, because I have no desire to be president or some other officer of the local, regional or state paralegal divisions, nor do I desire to be a paralegal manager. I used to love being a trial paralegal, but now I couldn't care less about it. I like being able to work, come home and sometimes forget about work. The job I have now is first-party insurance defense, where someone sues an insurance company. Very, very, very boring.

I would have to say no if the President asked me to be a member of his cabinet or some other post, because I have no desire to have the kind of job where you would always be under some kind of scrutiny by the other political side. There's enough of that going around right now. The job would be a lot of stress. I also wouldn't want to be uprooted and be that far away from my and my husband's families.

 

Wow, Danyale, it sounds like you've been in a whirlwind! I believe you are right that success is a measure of how you feel, but it is my personal opinion that one may not always consider oneself successful even if he/she is still in it. For example, someone could be stuck in a dead-end job for years, hardly any raises, bad boss, so they may not consider themselves successful. On the other hand, someone may have had one career but left it for another career but could consider themselves successful at that first career.

 

Well from the retired perspective, I don't think I had that killer drive til I was in my late 40s early 50s. Prior to that I lived round the world dependent on my then husband's choice of locations. While we both flunked out of college in our college years, I encouraged him to go back to school after marriage for his B.A. and then M.A. reading his books and writing his papers. More fool I. Definitely a generational thing for a lot of women my age. My then husband often used to bring up the fact that I did not have the degree(s) he did though there was no encouragement for me to go back to school. (insert intense swearing here)

When I was divorced, I did go back to school eventually though the degree had no effect on my job. I was always working for a politician either on the federal level or later the state level, both women btw. I really loved those jobs and especially the period of time doing immigration work on behalf of immigrants. I used to know the then immigration law inside and out. About the time I remarried, I was doing legislation work on the state level and met the dean of a local law school. She told me that I could probably get into law school as there were many programs for mature women, incl scholarships, and no need to take the LSAT. I had just received my B.A. and I really wanted to do this but knew the time and commitment it would take. At the same time, it was a new marriage and just 1 year after 9/11. I still look back on that decision now and then and wonder if I was right to put my marriage first.

From the time I was divorced I started to feel I was a success even though I was not in the high level positions around me. I knew I was doing what I was 'supposed' to do because of the contacts I had with people whose lives I impacted. Sometimes it would be because of what I could accomplish with my boss's name on the bottom of a letter etc and other times it was just having people open up and talk to me outside of the work situation just because I had learned through my jobs to listen. Listen without judgement.

btw, as my children were grown by the time my first marriage ended, I exclude them from consideration in defining my sense of success. I know when I was raising them that as much as I loved them and being with them, I wanted more in my life than motherhood and did not have it in those years.

 

Let me answer the last question first - NO, NO, NO! I would never work in any capacity for DT. I hate everything he stands for, and I rarely use the word hate.

I never went to college, going to work as soon as I graduated HS. I eventually took a secretarial job at a new hospital near my home. About a year into it, I bid on a job in the ER and got it. Shortly after that, I met my future husband. He was a paramedic and I was the unit clerk in the ER. I took an EMT class so we could spend some time together. Yes, I used to drive an ambulance! I always thought I wanted to be a nurse until I started working there. I spent many years working in various medical/surgical/ICU/OR areas and then Medical Records/Coding/ jobs at the same hospital. Then they laid me off in 1999, but that was OK because I got to spend a lot of time with my mother before she died.

After that, I worked at my neighbor's doctor's office, but my all time favorite job was working as a school crossing guard. I got to be outside every day. I got to meet all kinds of people. I got to play in traffic. I was kind of sad, when after I had a surgery that resulted in nerve damage, and I was told that I would not be able to return to any kind of job. But, now, after nearly 12 years of not working, I'm OK with that.

Now, I would consider it a success if my oldest, divorced daughter would move out of her bedroom and out of my house so that we can once again enjoy our empty nest.

 

I feel that my life has been very successful even though I have a goal that never materialized. I have great success with my family which is first and foremost as well as having a career that I enjoy (99% of the time). My career may have not been my first choice but after almost 30 years it is something that I truly do enjoy. At this point in my life (about 10 years shy of retiring); I have no desire to move to a different position (even though I believe they want me to) because I do not want to put in more hours and thus loose time with my husband, children and grandchildren.

With that said I do have one goal that I still wish I could do - College. I know that it is still possible but I also feel that would be like taking on another job and I don't want to loose the time with my family so it is one thing that I will just get over.

I have really realized the importance of family this past week after having my oldest grandson die unexpectedly. He was a special needs boy that had such a rough start to life (his birth mom was not good for him) but no matter what life threw his way; he smiled and would hug you. When I think of his short life (11 years old); I see success in just small items. Learning to walk, reading a book to some is such a success.

 

I have a Bachelor in Social Work and a Bachelor in Education. I work as a teacher at a local college and I really like my job. But since it's a local college, it doesn't give a lot of prestige or whatever. However I really like working with this type of students. I generally get a lot of positive feedback from my students and that really gives me energy and makes me happy.
I do dream about teaching my own course about social and inclusive education. I obviously haven't written this course yet and it's just a vague idea and dream. But I definitely want more than what I do now. I like to get my Masters but I'm not sure in what exactly. Still thinking but I'm pretty sure I'll start them within the next few years.

I also still dream about getting into acting. This one is probably a lot less likely to happen though since I chickened out on my drama school audition when I was 17. I'm still wondering "what if" though.

I just know I want more. Or different. I don't think I could work the same job year in year out.
Right now I'm still improving my job so it's still fun and new enough.

 

I used to be top of my team at my job. I was a computer engineer with about 6-10 people that I was in charge of. Not a manager but the work of a manager, then I had my daughter was moved from groups without my consent or knowledge and ended up with a misogynist. I ended up asking to be given the package because he was making my life miserable and my daughter was in the hospital all the time. It was a clear decision that I needed to stay at home with my baby. Ever since I stayed home she did so much better with her asthma. Now I see people that I was in charged of that I know had no business managing groups in that position and it infuriates me! I still would do it all over again for my sweet girl!

 

Although I have a degree in disability studies thats not quite a year old which I considered a success at that time I'm still searching for my success in terms of my career

 

@gonewiththewind I don't think the CLA is a rural thing, although it may be a Southern thing. My entire paralegal career has been in Texas. In the beginning, at least here in Texas, having a CLA was a big deal and SOMETIMES you could get paid more. Then the paralegal profession started booming, and many employers started requiring bachelor's degrees (pretty much any field) or a paralegal certificate. Then it was a bachelor's degree AND a paralegal certificate.

CLA doesn't count for much of anything now around here except perhaps the recognition. In my job hunt about 2 years ago, I never once saw "CLA preferred," like I used to see. It's sad. About 15 years ago, I had bought the book and was going to take the exam but just never got around to it. I was board certified in personal injury for about 5 years; I think board certification is a Texas thing.

@Danyale Now that you say that, I see what you mean, and I agree with you. It's actually a positive way of looking at a less-than-ideal situation.